[What Ginia needs is something she's long forgotten. There are wants - happiness, peace of mind, the feeling of not having to look over her shoulder, not having to question the motives of every single person she meets - that she clings onto too tightly. Grips so hard she crushes them into crumbs that scatter away. They're selfish wants because she is a selfish, horrible person who is undeserving.
So with wants she can't have and needs she's unsure of, how can she not take whatever comes her way? Oh she'll fight for what she can get and hold on tight, but scraps will feel the emptiest of bellies.
It's pathetic and Ginia knows it.
So she's not sure what to do when Kakashi gives her a chance to let go of things. She falls into his hard kisses and hold, holds him back and squeezes him tight, tries to focus on the feelings and the motions, but it's not about that. It's not about sex, about senseless fucking. It's not even about finding a way to punish for things no one is holding against her but herself.
It's letting go. Letting everything out until there's nothing left so she can fill herself up again with something new. It's a long-needed cathartic release that only someone who understands can give. And their backgrounds are nothing alike, their worlds are nothing alike, and she's never asked for details because pasts are dangerous. Pasts can say a lot and sometimes looking too deep changes things.
(Mostly she knows if she looks too deep into his past, then he's allowed to look back into her's.)
But they have their scars, the cautious tics that come with a life of danger, the guarded interactions, the things that never need to be said because those who know will understand.
And right now Kakashi understands. He understands and it's the last spike needed to break her wall down.
There's a thin line between laughing and crying and when Ginia tears away from him it would be easy to mistake the former for the latter if it weren't the tears falling down her cheek. She doesn't even realize she's begun crying until her vision is blurry and breathing becomes harder. Her head bows, chin touching her chest as she sobs out her pain, her pride, everything she's kept bottled up.]
/Sorry. Sorry. Sorry./
[Ginia doesn't even know why she's apologizing, though the sign comes quick. Old habit. A way to salvage her pride. She doesn't know anymore.]
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So with wants she can't have and needs she's unsure of, how can she not take whatever comes her way? Oh she'll fight for what she can get and hold on tight, but scraps will feel the emptiest of bellies.
It's pathetic and Ginia knows it.
So she's not sure what to do when Kakashi gives her a chance to let go of things. She falls into his hard kisses and hold, holds him back and squeezes him tight, tries to focus on the feelings and the motions, but it's not about that. It's not about sex, about senseless fucking. It's not even about finding a way to punish for things no one is holding against her but herself.
It's letting go. Letting everything out until there's nothing left so she can fill herself up again with something new. It's a long-needed cathartic release that only someone who understands can give. And their backgrounds are nothing alike, their worlds are nothing alike, and she's never asked for details because pasts are dangerous. Pasts can say a lot and sometimes looking too deep changes things.
(Mostly she knows if she looks too deep into his past, then he's allowed to look back into her's.)
But they have their scars, the cautious tics that come with a life of danger, the guarded interactions, the things that never need to be said because those who know will understand.
And right now Kakashi understands. He understands and it's the last spike needed to break her wall down.
There's a thin line between laughing and crying and when Ginia tears away from him it would be easy to mistake the former for the latter if it weren't the tears falling down her cheek. She doesn't even realize she's begun crying until her vision is blurry and breathing becomes harder. Her head bows, chin touching her chest as she sobs out her pain, her pride, everything she's kept bottled up.]
/Sorry. Sorry. Sorry./
[Ginia doesn't even know why she's apologizing, though the sign comes quick. Old habit. A way to salvage her pride. She doesn't know anymore.]