はたけ・カカシ 「HATAKE KAKASHI」 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ura_no_ura) wrote2012-04-01 04:09 am
ura_no_ura) wrote2012-04-01 04:09 am
[IC] Appointments
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What they don't reveal to one another, what they don't dare to learn. Some scars go far too deep. Trying to plumb the their depths is like walking into a riptide -- you might just drown if you're not ready. If you can't handle the pull. And Kakashi rarely ever would want to drag anyone down with him, just as he understands why Ginia might not be ready to have him wade into her waters, even if he can handle it and can take it on.
He hadn't expected Ginia to pull away when she did, had thought for a moment that maybe he had been too aggressive, that he'd hurt her in some way, crossed a line she wasn't ready to cross, and had almost been on the verge of an apology when he saw the tears glittering sharp on her cheeks.
It gives him pause for a moment to see her like this, if only because it's rare that he ever finds himself in a position with a woman crying in front of him in the privacy of his own home. Almost isn't sure what to even do at first, but then just acts on instinct, letting his hands move as he gently pulls Ginia to him, tucking her under his chin. ]
Don't apologize.
[ Murmured after a moment, a hand gently stroking its way through her hair. ]
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Crying reminds her of too much. It reminds her of a lonely 22-year-old grieving for her family, stitches and bandages binding one arm together. Of an angry 31-year-old confronting the brother who had betrayed their family and abandoned her. Of too many other memories because the world was a horrible place and the Malnosso had done her the courtesy of drawing repressed memories back front. And with memories come fear and sadness and loneliness and feeling powerless.
And that was how her kidnapping made her feel. She was powerless again. They'd taken her and she fought with everything and it wasn't enough. And if that wasn't good enough, then what was? What good was she? What good was a gun without bullets? a knife without an edge? You could still bludgeon someone with a gun, but that wasn't effective or its intended purpose.
So what was her purpose now?
Crying may release some emotions, but there are others that hold on, digging deep into her mind, twisting and poisoning her thoughts.
'Never take your eye off the enemy in front of you, or you're as good as dead.'
She remembers reality, a kunai at her throat, an arm holding her tight and a whispered warning.
'You're worthless trash.'
She remembers false memories, an arm holding her tight, a husky statement, a kunai slashing her throat open.
Why was it so easy to remember dying?
Right, because she was dead. Because even if some memories said otherwise - she refused to help and lived on in peace; she accepted the proposal and got married - the reality was she made a mistake. She made a mistake and she paid for it. And no matter how much she wanted to enjoy her life here, take a second chance and live on happily, that was a lie.
It too would end. Wasn't that the alliance's goal? To send everyone home?
Ginia's tears subside. She pulls away and puts on a smile because there's her mask and shield.]
/...Why am I here? I should be dead./
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So many in Luceti have been given a second chance, after all. Kakashi sometimes isn't even sure if he's amongst them -- after all, the last thing he remembered was the pain of being split apart by a blade going straight through him. The sharp burn, low in his belly, right where the celiac artery runs. For all he knows, he could have bled out in Obito's dimension, cut off from the rest of the world. Sometimes he wonders if he survived it. Sometimes he's not so sure.
Either way, he'd be living on borrowed time.
His expression is soft as he looks down at her, takes in the sight of the smile that doesn't reach her eyes. A smile that's not all too different from the very tangible mask he normally wears over his face. ]
Technically, so should I.
[ His own lips slowly turn up at the edges, a ghost of a smile. ]
But I suppose we were given another chance.
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So if he's another for the list... well, it's not easy to know or think about. Probably no easier than it was for Levi to hear earlier in the day. (One day she'd have to tell Erwin. It'd only be fair.) It doesn't even change he's one of the people in charge of the alliance and a known goal is finding a way for people to get home because people do need to go home. This place is good and Ginia will stay if she can, but it's not for everyone. Some have their lives to continue on.]
/It's what everyone says./
[And she's tried to make the best of her time in Luceti. She's tried to make herself useful in order to make up her past life and also out of hope proving her worth would let her stay around longer. An unfounded theory from Clove, but it seemed to be working so far.
Didn't stop her from being kidnapped, but maybe that was her usual luck running out.]
/...Do you know what the worst thing about being taken was? Not knowing when I would come back. If I would come back./
[Knowing she was going to be taken due to a reading from Rei was bad in itself. It made her cautious and paranoid for something that would happen at an unknown time. But being taken and then not knowing how long she would be there, not knowing what would happen, even if she was drugged and disoriented most of the time, it was a fear that hadn't left her.
In her world, there were people that would have turned over heaven and hell to get her back. They would have mobilized the moment she knew. Or she could have figured out her own escape or means of securing her escape.
Here in Luceti, what could anyone do?]
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His hand travels, moving to rest on her back gently as he keeps her close. A comforting touch, he hopes.
Doesn't say anything, because right now isn't the time for him to speak.
Right now is the time for him to listen. ]
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[Ginia's hands fall down to her sides, finally done with words. Her own depression was now anger again, at the kidnappings, at the complacency at the village, being taken.
And maybe even a little at the fact no one came to help. Living in a building full of ninjas and titan slayers and not a single person noticed.]