ura_no_ura | [IC] Appointments

[ Surprise flickers across Kakashi's features. He hadn't expected that Naruto would have been upset like this. Hadn't been ready for Naruto to want to really know what it is he hides under the surface. To dig between the covers.

Kakashi's not even sure he's ready for this.

A part of him has always known that Naruto isn't a kid anymore, and can be trusted, but he still treats him like he's just his student. Still tries his best to be strong for him, because it's what Naruto needs -- or so he tells himself.

It's why he keeps himself so carefully guarded.

He didn't think Naruto would've seen the cracks.

For a long moment, Kakashi falls silent as he looks away from Naruto, down at the glass he holds in his hand. ]

I've disappointed you...

[ He finally says after a moment. And maybe it's a bit of an apology. ]

I know I haven't been the best sensei to you, but... you'll always be my student, Naruto... A sensei is supposed to carry the weight of his students, not burden them... What kind of a sensei would I be if I gave you even more weight to carry than you already do?

Edited 2013-07-17 07:57 (UTC)

What? No, of course I'm not disappointed I was annoyed. It's different.

[Why would you even think that, Kakashi? Naruto could never be disappointed in you. He's listening though, thinking about the words he is hearing. He gets it, the feeling of wanting to carry burdens for the people that matter to you. It actually... reminds him of that time with Itachi.]

You're always gonna my sensei and I'll keep looking up to you and stuff like that, but it's not just that. Friends are meant to help each other out, yeah?

[ Well, that's one way of looking at it, Kakashi supposes. He nods slightly. ]

Yes, but... [ He wouldn't really consider Naruto a friend per se. It's a different relationship.

Kakashi trails off.

Stops.

Starts again. ]

Look... I appreciate that you want to be here for me to support me. It means a lot to me. But, I'm still your sensei, and I don't want to burden you with something as pointless as just a bad dream.

[ He raises his hand again, gives Naruto's shoulder another reassuring squeeze. ]

You have a lot resting on your shoulders already. You don't have to carry my weight, too.

[ His voice is soft. ]

Edited 2013-07-17 08:53 (UTC)

[It's not the same kind of friend, he's not about to ask Kakashi to come hang out with him and Kiba or anything, but he'd still consider him a friend.]

Yeah but I already am when I know something's wrong, you get it?

[Does he have to spell it out? He's still going to be concerned about it.]

[ Kakashi sighs. ]

Nothing's wrong, Naruto. I just had a bad dream. That's all. Really.

You sure?

[Last time he'll ask about the dream, if so.]

[ The truth: Kakashi has bad dreams almost every night if he actually lets himself sleep deeply enough. What's one bad dream when it's almost a nightly occurrence? ]

It's just stress. From the war.

Yeah, about that..

[They're already talking, he may as well ask now instead of leaving it for later, right?]

What happened? The last thing I know before coming to this place was when you and that Obito guy vanished somewhere.

[Yeah, Kakashi was really hoping he could avoid this conversation, but he supposed it was inevitable. Naruto wanted to know, and he had a right to know what happened, or so Kakashi figures. Even if the truth might be very difficult. ]

We were in another dimension... I guess you can say that well... We fought.

[ Kakashi looks away then, trying to consider just how he should say this. Maybe he should just give Naruto more optimism. Let him think everything's fine and well. ]

[Fought. Yeah, he figured that at least. He wants to know what actually happened, but something else needs explaining first.]

You said he was one of your classmates, right? Who was he?

[ ... this, he really wanted to avoid. But there's no avoiding it now. And Kakashi really doesn't see a way out of it. If he deflected, Naruto would just keep badgering him, or get even more upset because he thinks Kakashi doesn't trust him.

He sighs. Long and slow, eye closing. ]

He was my teammate. My best friend.

[Team mate. Best friend. When Kakashi says it, he can't help but think of Sasuke. This Obito guy must be really important to him, no wonder he reacted the way he did on the battlefield. He doesn't comment on it, but it shows on his face that he's thinking about something.]

He was meant to be dead, yeah? [That's what Bushybrow sensei had said. Also best friends, death, sharingans.. Naruto reaches up to tap the side of his own face, besides his eye.] Was that from him?

[ Kakashi's brows come together as he nods, head bowing slightly, silver strands obscuring what can be made out in the dark of his features. It's hard to talk about this, especially with Naruto. ]

He sacrificed himself to save me.

[Sacrificed himself to save him. Naruto wasn't sure what he was going to hear about the guy, but it certainly hadn't been that. It only makes everything that much more confusing too, a whole bombardment of questions coming up in his thoughts.]

But.. if he did that, why's he trying to destroy everything now? And it's the same guy who attacked Mom and Dad, right?

[Just what the hell happened?]

[ Yeah, this...

This, Kakashi really, really doesn't want to talk about. But Naruto deserves to know. After all, it was Kakashi's actions that led to Naruto growing up without his parents. Kakashi's actions that turned Obito into what he is. ]

...it's my fault.

[ He says after a moment. Quietly. ]

He wasn't always a monster, you know... Actually, he used to be just like you. He was the one who said "Ninja who break the rules of the ninja world are trash, but ninja who abandon their friends are worse than trash..."

Edited 2013-07-18 02:03 (UTC)

How's it your fault?

[He doesn't know what happened, but Naruto finds that hard to believe.]

I'm nothing like that guy. [He's killed people, and is trying to destroy everything.] If he really said that, then why's he doing what he's doing!

[Naruto just doesn't get it.]

...because I killed our other teammate... the one person he loved most in the world. I promised I would protect her, but...

[ Kakashi trails off. He's having a hard time looking Naruto in the eye. ]

...

[He'd killed their teammate? That was a shock- Naruto's eyes going wide once the words sink in. This is all some pretty major stuff, no wonder Kakashi hadn't brought it up before. Then again on the same side, why hadn't he? Naruto now realises he knows absolutely nothing about the sensei he's had for years. He's silent for several moments before speaking again, this time his voice is much quieter, hesitant.]

It was an accident though, right? You didn't just kill her 'cause you wanted to or anything. Right?

She...

[ Kakashi takes a breath. Lets it out. Talking about this is difficult. Even more so, because it's with Naruto. But he deserves to know the truth. He needs to understand why Obito's become ... what he is. Why he lost hope in the world. ]

She ran into my Chidori [ it wasn't a Raikiri back then, not yet. ] to sacrifice herself... so she could protect Konoha...

[ But there could have been another way.

There should have been another way. ]

She- [He closes his mouth again, unsure of what words to say. Naruto doesn't know who this person is, but it begins to explain why he'd never heard anything about who Kakashi's genin teammates were. Once again he's frowning, clearly confused. Why would someone do that in order to protect Konoha?]

It wasn't your fault, if she did that. [It's completely hypocritical of course- if the same thing happened to Naruto, if he killed a precious friend with his own attack, not a day would go by where he didn't feel remorse and blame himself for it. But as it stands, he believes it to be true here.]

Why'd she do it? There must have been a reason, right?

[ Kakashi nods. ]

She was turned into a jinchuuriki by Kirigakure so she could destroy Konoha... She was afraid that she wouldn't be able to control herself if we reached Konoha, so she sacrificed herself ahead of time...

I failed to protect her. So it was my fault.

[ In more ways than one. ]

[Jinchuurikis. Why does everything come back to them? People being used yet again. Just hearing it makes him angry, it shows on his face.]

Why would people do that? Just using people like that, making them attack their own village, it makes me sick. It's those Kiri-guys' fault for doing it!

[ Kakashi falls quiet then. Of course Naruto wouldn't understand and would pass off blame easily to someone else, when really, Kakashi should've been able to protect her, but failed. ]

[Kakashi-sensei, why aren't you saying anything?]

So he's doing all that, because she died? I don't get it. It wasn't Konoha's fault, right? Why'd he attack?

Because he can't live in a world without her... and because he hates the system that caused her death and wants to change it. In his mind, what he's doing is the best possible thing for all of us, because he thinks he can create a perfect world where everyone will be happy and where Rin will still be alive. He's...

[ Kakashi pauses for a moment, trying to find the right word. ]

...broken. And I'm responsible for it.

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